So how about this latest in bizarre chain restaurant assaults–the great cake imbroglio at a KFC just north of where we live in Seattle.

The Seattle Times, by John De Leon, September 16, 2014:

Working in fast food is no cakewalk.

In fact, sometimes it can be a downright cakefight.

Case in point:

On Saturday, Seattle police Officer Nic Abts-Olsen responded to reports of an assault at the KFC in the 13200 block of Aurora Avenue North. The weapon of choice: Cake.

Lemon cake, to be exact. But more on that shortly.

As Abts-Olsen and his partner Cliff Borjeson rolled to the scene, details of the attack trickled in from dispatchers: “Unknown male was throwing cake at employees.” Followed by the ominous: “They can no longer sell the cake.”

Employees told the two officers that a man walked into the store, threw a KFC-brand cake at them and then left.

Fortunately, the man’s aim was off.

Staff at the KFC were only able to provide a vague description of the man.

But they offered a much more vivid description of his weapon: “The cake was described as a lemon cake, yellow in color and circular and costs exactly $5.19,” Officer Abts-Olsen wrote in a report.

Read it here:  http://blogs.seattletimes.com/today/2014/09/assault-by-cake-reported-at-north-seattle-kfc/

We do not hang out at KFC, though we have plenty of them all around. It came as a surprise that a chicken place offered lemon cake, though we were not as surprised that a Seattle citizen would consider this sweet dessert a weapon.

KFC Lemon Cake, similar to the alleged weapon

Again, this caused considerable discussion around the table and we have surmised that if that cake were old and hard, it might make for a better weapon than an old, rusty, unwieldy pitchfork. Seattle residents are known to be weenies, dilettantes, and pacifists (with the occasional socialist) who do not understand that the second amendment is a book of the Bible. A high proportion of Seattleites actually believe in, and have voted for, gun control and probably would not be comfortable in a Waffle House bristling with firearms, or pitchforks, and smelling of grease. So it is that the lemon cake fracas makes sense in cultural geography.

Homemade KFC cake (yes, real and edible) photo courtesy whiskmeaway

Checking online we find this mighty fine-looking KFC cake. Now this is a real weapon that could do damage, especially to your heart.

We are now planning a journey north for some bad coffee and to search for some crumbs of the alleged KFC lemon cake weapon that we can offer on Ebay.